dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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