I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i believe in u and ur pee
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