My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
