im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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