There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize