I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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