based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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