Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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