Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
