Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize