i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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