No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
