we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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