I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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