how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
