There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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