i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
