It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
