So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
