East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
