Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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