after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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