oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
