Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
