I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
