WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My vagina just clenched in fear
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize