YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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