I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
