it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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