i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
