Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
