The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
