I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
