Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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