took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize