i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
