wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They took my balls.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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