his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
