I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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