I seem to have left my pride at pride
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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