my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
