I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize