so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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