you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
