Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
