My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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