i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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