I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
