Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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