I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
