As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
