She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
