i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
