I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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