Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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