Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She even gives head with a lisp.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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