Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You don't make any sense
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