What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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