Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
