no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
