Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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