Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
