A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
