i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
