bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
