i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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