I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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